I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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