I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
