You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i permit you to call me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
