Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My dick has a subreddit
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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