your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
