sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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