Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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