apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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