I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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