do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I supernannyed him into submission
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