Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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