I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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