it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
