ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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