Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
