You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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