what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have fence marks all over my body
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
