too bad you live with your parents still
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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