Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
