I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
