I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
