what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
