I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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