So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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