You were right. It hurts to walk today.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
