i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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