Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
