Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
accomplished twins. life is a go
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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