Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
