In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
