i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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