He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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