From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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