if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
