1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Randomize
