I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
