its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Randomize
