you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
