There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
