I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
