Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
