the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
