Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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