Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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