You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
