i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
