Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
