Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
