We won't sleep together?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
