yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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